Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Why Women Talk & How they Can Support a Man

Why women talk?
1. To convey or gather information.
2. To explore and discover what it is she wants to say.
3. To feel better and more centered when she is upset.
4. To create intimacy.

Never go in to a man’s cave or you will be burned by the dragon. When a man goes into his cave, he’s generally wounded or stressed and is trying to solve his problem alone. To give him the support that a woman would want is counterproductive.

How to support a man in his cave

1. Don’t disapprove of his need for withdrawing.
2. Don’t try to help him solve his problem by offering solutions.
3. Don’t try to nurture him by asking questions about his feelings.
4. Don’t sit next to the door of the cave and wait for him to come out.
5. Don’t worry about him or feel sorry for him.
6. Do something that makes you happy
-anything that distracts her or helps her to feel good will be helpful to him.

These are some examples.
. Read a book
. Listen to music.
. Work in the garden.
. Take a bubble bath.
. Exercise.
. Get a massage.
. Call a girlfriend.
. Go shopping.
. Pray.
. Watch TV.
. Cook something delicious.

It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He hates to be pitied. That’s why too much caring for him is smothering.

5. Men are Like Rubber Bands

When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy. To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner. There are two ways a woman may unknowingly obstruct her male partner’s natural intimacy cycle. They are (1) chasing him when he pulls away; and (2) punishing him for pulling away.

Chasing behaviors:1. Physical-when he pulls away, she physically follows him.
2. Emotional-when he pulls away she emotionally follows him by worrying about him, feeling sorry for him.
3. Mental-she may try to pull him back mentally by asking him guilt-inducing questions, or trying to please him becoming overly accommodating.

Punishing behaviors:
1. Physical-when he begins to desire her again, she rejects him. She pushes away his physical affection.
2. Emotional-when he returns, she is unhappy and she blames him.
3. Mental-when he returns she refuses to open up and share her feelings.

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