Friday, October 18, 2013

Live Happily with your spouse-Practical Ways: Finding the Love of your Life - Neil Warren

Finding the love of your life (10 principles for choosing the right marriage partner)

1. Eliminate the seven most Prevalent Causes of Faulty mate selection

1. The Decision to get married is made too quickly (give yourself enough time to decide)
2. The decision is made at a too young age
3. One or both persons are too eager to be married (your goal should be choosing
the perfect partner for you, not just getting married)
4. One or both may be choosing a mate to please someone else (do not try to please people's
tastes or create a certain image away pf your own interests in life)
5. The experience base is too narrow (for more experience, listen to other people's stories &
watch, so as not to fall in the same faults)
6. One or both may have unaddressed significant personality or behavior problems (jealousy,
temper, irresponsibility, dishonesty, stubbornness), take notice of them because they
hardly change
7. The Couple has unrealistic expectations (both should have a clear realistic vision of how
their life together will really be like, with all common marriage problems & hardships, not
visualize it as in paradise or in movies)

2. Develop a clear mental image of your ideal spouse

It is crucial to make a rational, proactive, fully conscious decision about the type of person you want to marry
Some points to clarify the image are: personality, intelligence, appearance, ambition, chemistry, spirituality, character, creativity, parenting, authenticity) However, degrees might vary from one person to the other

3. Find a person to love who is a lot like you

Not exactly like you in character, but to some extent the same paradigm of life, same interests, and same goals (so as not to end up moving in opposite directions) - every similarity is an asset

4. Get yourself Healthy before you get married (Spiritually & Emotionally)

The more Spiritually healthy you are, the more you are able to handle pressing problems, be forgiving, loving, and think in the positive direction
The more Emotionally healthy you are, the more you're able to handle conflicts, and the less you victimize yourself during conflicts

5. Find a love you can feel deep in your heart & express it carefully (mainly physical & emotional chemistry, these are important too)

6. Let Passionate love mature before you decide to marry (make sure of your true feelings, don't hast to getting married when the curve is going up and down)

7. Master the art of intimacy (of course warm, love talk & sex are important parts, but sharing deepest thoughts, feelings, dreams, fears and joys are even more important)

intimacy is most likely to occur under these conditions:
when plenty of time is available
when you're away from the routine
in times of crisis or pain
when couples are regularly involved in reflection and introspection (reading, thinking, praying and sharing stuff)

8. Learn how to clear conflict from the road of love (avoid Arguments that end up causing offence & learn the art of forgiving)

9. Refuse to proceed until you can genuinely pledge your lifelong commitment (make sure that each of you is now ready to perform all his roles & duties towards the other)

10. Celebrate your marriage with the full support of family and friends (Those people who truly love you and care for your happiness, remember they will definitely have a great impact on your thoughts and feelings & will support you in hard times)